New Post

New post can be found at www.spiritualglasses.posterous.com

Praying For Peace

Please visit my new blog home to read my latest post "Praying For Peace." www.spiritualglasses.posterous.com I also have a Tumblr space for photos, quotes & whatever else greets me on my artistic path www.spiritualglasses.tumblr.com. I have relied on Facebook to express myself to the world since 2008, but have decided to only use it as a space of leading to the place my heart truly resides and that can be found in my writing. Thank you for our many travels together and I look forward to the next leg of our journey together. If you choose not to come along then that is okay too. You will forever be part of my story and I part of yours. Please know that I do not expect you to visit me in each of the spaces I reside. I have more that one because I understand that in each place I go I am bound to meet another weary traveler searching for more just like the rest of us.

New Location

After using Blog Spot for the past few years I have decided to begin using Posterous. This blog site allows me much more freedom in laying out my stories as I see them to be. I will continue to post in this location when I have placed a new story on Posterous. The website address is www.spiritualglasses.posterous.com

A Story Lost

I told my love yesterday as we were getting ready for our Goodwill & gym excursion that there was a story in my head I had not had time to get onto paper. I shared with him that I hoped not to loose it, but I think I did just that. I should have written the story as tears ran down my face as it was relived in my mind and as God revealed new pieces to me. Where did she go this story of mine? How could I loose a story that I lived in the flesh? She spoke so beautifully in my mind and in a way I had prayed many years for her to. I cannot pen a sentence or paragraph well enough to do my experience in that room justice without the words of yesterday, so I will simply list a handful of words that describe a piece of that day for me: Peaceful, Exhausted, Deep, Restless, Tearful, Amazed, Joyful, Scared, Nervous, Doubtful, Fearful, Proud, Focused, Determined, Humbled, Rejected, Naked, Ashamed, Accepted, Broken, Alive, Captured, Distracted, Chosen, Scented, Honored, Weak, just to name a few. Looking back I don't think any of these words could ever completely describe what those final moments were like. But for now I shall leave you, my reader, broken words in hand until those beautiful sentences of yesterday return to me..............

Scars

A deep wound no longer infected, now a tender scar in need of care. I did not create her, nor did I place her within me, yet she is mine to protect. Times I go sit with her in need of my own remembrance, and other times I find her unexpectedly standing upon my doorstep aching from outside irritation. I gently approach her, cleansing her with my tears while whispering softly “You, my deepest pain have become my deepest joy. No longer am I ashamed of you. I have been made strong and will protect you, so do not be afraid. I will not let you be opened again. You are healed, now rest in peace my scars, rest in peace.”

My Artist's Date

Out & about I went on a ride my central focus entirely on you. Cherishing you, living for greatness exploring oceans way. It’s hard not to smile. Private chapels, fabulous finds, private spaces: Hymns of air, wood and stone. Tiny spiritual sanctuaries where I prayed in peace asking and being surprised. Inner peace being evoked giving back invaluable graces.

Fear Of Association

We don't want to be associated with subjects that make us uncomfortable drawing attention to our own dark places whether it be dark places of identification, self righteousness, callousness, guilt, anger turned to hate or unforgiveness. They each bring exposure and we work hard not to be exposed even if it means shaming others, or our already wounded selves in the process. I do not expect public comments underneath a blog post about adultery. I don't expect public comments underneath anything that speaks deep rooted truth. I myself remember this past December sitting in Starbucks mortified that someone would see the title of the book I was reading. Written in large font on its cover was one word and that word carried with it the weight of heavy judgment. It did not matter to my senses that this book was altering my life from the inside out exposing the lie that our marriage was the only one going through such devastation. All that mattered was the shame I felt reading it and being associated with such a thing. It was just too real. So each time I got up from the table I would turn the book upside down so no one could see the title. I did not want anyone to know that I, Jennifer Upton, wife, mother, business owner, believer in Christ Jesus, held in my hand “Unfaithful.” Since realizing this about myself I have taken action, and action has grace in it. I am not afraid to illuminate the dark places I've been. I will not deny pain nor ward of vulnerability. Reading or hearing other marriages say “I don't put our marriage out there like that” will not keep me from walking a path of transparency. My call as a writer is to EXPOSE, BRING GLORY, and PROVOKE THOUGHT. “The act of making art exposes society to itself. Art brings things to light. It illuminates us. It sheds light on our lingering darkness. It casts a beam into the heart of our own darkness and says, “See?” (quote taken from The Artist's Way)