Fear Of Association

We don't want to be associated with subjects that make us uncomfortable drawing attention to our own dark places whether it be dark places of identification, self righteousness, callousness, guilt, anger turned to hate or unforgiveness. They each bring exposure and we work hard not to be exposed even if it means shaming others, or our already wounded selves in the process. I do not expect public comments underneath a blog post about adultery. I don't expect public comments underneath anything that speaks deep rooted truth. I myself remember this past December sitting in Starbucks mortified that someone would see the title of the book I was reading. Written in large font on its cover was one word and that word carried with it the weight of heavy judgment. It did not matter to my senses that this book was altering my life from the inside out exposing the lie that our marriage was the only one going through such devastation. All that mattered was the shame I felt reading it and being associated with such a thing. It was just too real. So each time I got up from the table I would turn the book upside down so no one could see the title. I did not want anyone to know that I, Jennifer Upton, wife, mother, business owner, believer in Christ Jesus, held in my hand “Unfaithful.” Since realizing this about myself I have taken action, and action has grace in it. I am not afraid to illuminate the dark places I've been. I will not deny pain nor ward of vulnerability. Reading or hearing other marriages say “I don't put our marriage out there like that” will not keep me from walking a path of transparency. My call as a writer is to EXPOSE, BRING GLORY, and PROVOKE THOUGHT. “The act of making art exposes society to itself. Art brings things to light. It illuminates us. It sheds light on our lingering darkness. It casts a beam into the heart of our own darkness and says, “See?” (quote taken from The Artist's Way)